… or at least for now!
Well, the truth is, I am doing so much better than a few months before. It has been a battle – a battle only I can explain and few can understand. In saying the above statement, I recognise that depression is not something that goes away completely. Its not like a scar that once healed cannot easily re-open. It is like some form of cancer – that comes and goes – goes into remission – comes back. Something like that. It is a mental thing. I don’t like calling it a disease or a disorder or a condition – I would rather say ‘thing’. It is easier for me.
This thing that grounded me for months.
It has taken a whole lot of love and therapy and self determination to get here. And I know that for me to maintain it I have to keep a particular regime that ensures my stability.
I cannot stress the importance of therapy. Or if you want, seeing a psychologist. This weekly routine of just talking and dealing with various issues with a professional is immensely helpful! Sometimes the therapist doesn’t even have to say anything; they just sit there and listen. I know – sounds like a waste of money. But let’s be honest here, how many of us have that person who we can share our most intimate details and know that it won’t get outside that room? How many of us know someone who is a good listener and provides solid, useful help towards bettering ourselves? Right. They don’t come easy – not even Nakumatt have them!
I’ve realised that regular exercise is paramount to working off those depressive moods. I like taking walks and during those down moments I push myself to get off the couch, shower, dress and go out for a walk. Sure Nairobi can be busy, murky, messy, noisy and downright dusty but it helps – A LOT! I noticed that on days when I just did that, I felt tons better and my hopes would rise again – even if just a little bit :-).
There are a lot of nasty people out there folks. People who pretend to be your friend just so they can either gain something from you or maybe even show off to you or something. I noticed that when I dragged myself to see friends who I valued and treasured – and they valued and treasured me back – I would feel much better. I would share my fears with them, how low I felt and what that made me do. They would listen and not be judgemental. True friends are hard to find. So when you have one you can confide in, grab on to them and never let go.
It is not easy admitting that I have depression to my friends and family – let a lone to all who read my blog! So to me this is a bold step. A step that I take with pride. A step that for me shows courage and perseverance through trials and tribulations. A whole lot of people in this world suffer in silence. Never letting anyone see just how damaged they truly are. But I hope that these words; my revelation and sharing, goes a long way towards encouraging others out there to seek help and get out of this mental ‘thing’ that eats away at your soul silently.